I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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