If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
