Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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