Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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