so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
