i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
