i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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