He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
