well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
