alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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