oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
