what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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