i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
