apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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