Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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