so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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