I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
