highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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