I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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