oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
