I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
