You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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