Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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