I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
