Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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