I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
