You're so nebulous sometimes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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