Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont even know how to be here
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
