I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
