Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
