its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
