I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
