my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My vagina just clenched in fear
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