One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
