planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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