if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
