u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Couch. On fire.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
