how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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