Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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