i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
3pm strippers are depressing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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