I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I look better un-naked...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
