I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
