Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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