I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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