Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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