I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
