Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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