Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
