she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
