When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
